Can the Catchphrase Stay in Vegas?

In an unembarrassed failure of imagination, 20th Century Fox has announced it's going to begin production on a film set in Las Vegas titled, you guessed it, "What Happens In Vegas..." Now, you and I know that product and even place marketing and the film industry have a long history together, but actually using an advertising slogan as the title of a movie is, I don't know, crass, even for Las Vegas and Hollywood. Ripping off catchphrases is the provenance of B-movies, and even then it's just for the film's tagline, not its title. And creating films explicitly as marketing ventures for corporate entities used to be the provenance of people like Michael Bay (TRANSFORMERS 7-4-7!) and the three-headed beast of Matthew Modine-Paul Reiser-Randy Quaid (Bye Bye Love, which is set almost exclusively in a McDonald's, if you forgot about that masterpiece.)

"What Happens in Vegas" (I can guess without even reading a plot summary: drinking, gambling, marriage, possibly interaction with strippers and/or Mafioso) will star two paragons of artistic integrity, Cameron Diaz and Ashton Kutchner. What I really want to know is, what's next in this creative vein? Will Demi Moore grab the lead role as a corporate chocolatier in a movie set in Derry Township, PA (home of Hershey's) called "Where It's Just Sweeter"? Josh Hartnett in a revenge drama set in Quebec called "I Remember (All the Wrongs Done to Me)" (Seriously, that's the motto, click the link and scroll down to Quebec.)

Just thought you'd want to know.

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Important Tom Poston News

George Utley has passed.

In honor of the now-late character actor, I found the opening to this very-short-lived 1990 sitcom, "Good Grief," which has a few strange things about it:
a) the opening sequence is set in a graveyard/golf course, and Tom Poston, seen leaning against a headstone at the end, is now deceased.
b) It stars Howie Mandel.
c) Howie Mandel used to have a lot of work.
d) Howie Mandel used to turn work down because he had so much, but he ran with this show.
e) People thought Howie Mandel was funny.
f) People thought Howie Mandel was charming.
g) Howie Mandel had hair.

Now that I'm through wondering how Howie Mandel ever got work, and how he has it again (reality TV is powerful, folks. powerful), I'll say, RIP Mr. Poston.

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Important Dick Van Patten News

In our two-dog house, we're relatively concerned about the world-wide conspiracy to rid the Earth of dogs (you'll never best Romania, conspirators!), so I appreciate Mr. Van Patten's decision to throw off the Mr. Bradford cardigan in favor of the Chef Woofgang apron. Beyond that, I have to question the marketing angle here, which feels like a half-hearted effort at becoming the Epcot Center of canned dog food (cf. pic above). My only other comments are:

a) Dick Van Patten is the best dressed hobo I've ever seen. His dog is also the best dressed hobo dog I've ever seen, since he's wearing a suitcase for a collar.

b) First, look at the ingredients for "Irish" stew:

Ingredients: Beef, Potatoes, Water, Carrots, Tomatoes, Modified Food Starch, Beef Fat, Salt, Sucrose, Beef Stock, Caramel Color, Tricalcium Phosphate, Natural Flavoring, Minerals (Zinc Amino Acid Chelate, Zinc Oxide, Ferrous Sulfate, Manganese Sulfate, Manganese Amino Acid Chelate, Copper Sulfate, Copper Amino Acid Chelate, Potassium Iodide, Sodium Selenite), Vitamins (Choline Citrate, Vitamin E Supplement, Niacin Supplement (Vitamin B3), Vitamin A Acetate, Thiamine Mononitrate (Vitamin B1), Ascorbic Acid (Vitamin C), Biotin Supplement, Vitamin D3 Supplement, D-Calcium Pantothenate (Vitamin B5), Vitamin B12 Supplement, Pyridoxine Hydrochloride (Vitamin B6), Riboflavin (Vitamin B2), Folic Acid (Vitamin B9), Dehydrated Celery.


Now:

1. Dehydrated Celery? Disgusting. I wouldn't feed that to a squirrel. And why is it even in there, if it's the last ingredient? "Dehydrated Celery: the secret ingredient that makes Dick Van Patten's Irish Stew for dogs taste more like Irish Stew for astronauts."
2. I know this is "all natural" and the ingredients listed above may, in fact, be all natural, but if pyridoxine hydrochloride and D-Calcium Pantothenate is what's in all-natural dog food, what am I feeding my dogs now?
   
3. One more: Manganese Amino Acid Chelate? What is "chelate"? All natural? I'd almost rather eat something synthetic than something called "chelate." Oh no: My dogs are doomed. They're probably zombie dogs already, and we just haven't noticed.
   

c) Did you know that Luke Skywalker was originally cast in "Eight is Enough"? Neither did I! Check the Cast and Crew of the pilot, cleverly titled with a miserable mnemonic device for remembering the kids' names. (Get it? Mary, David, Joanie, Nancy, Elizabeth, Susan, Tommy, and Nicholas. Eight kids is (are) enough!)

d) Not that you care, but now that I've linked to the Bucharest dog story again, I'm aiming to make it my most-linked-to story. Send in your suggestions for topics obliquely related to feral dogs in Eastern Europe. (See: Linked it again! Bam! And again.)

f) Also, a gold star to anyone who can make a clever joke using "Ate is Enough" or a reference to Angela Lansbury/Murder, She Wrote.

e) Apparently, this Chef Woofgang business has been around for a little while, but I'm just learning about it. From John Hodgman's blog. That is all.

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Important Rue McClanahan News

I bought the Thunderbolt Kid book for my dad for his birthday, and now I get messages like the following once a week. Last week it was Carol Burnett, which I almost understand. This week, eh, the connection seems tenuous to me. Did one person buy both books in the same order and spur a whole email campaign? I've bought dozens of books from Amazon over the years, why is this the marketing I get?

Dear Amazon.com Customer,

We've noticed that customers who have expressed interest in The Life and Times of the Thunderbolt Kid: A Memoir by Bill Bryson have also ordered My First Five Husbands..And the Ones Who Got Away by Rue Mcclanahan. For this reason, you might like to know that Rue Mcclanahan's My First Five Husbands..And the Ones Who Got Away is now available. You can order your copy for just $16.47 ($8.48 off the list price) by following the link below.

My First Five Husbands..And the Ones Who Got Away Rue Mcclanahan List Price: $24.95 Price: $16.47 You Save: $8.48 (34%)

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Important Keith David/David Keith News

Keith ("There's Something About Mary") David will, unfortunately for us, be appearing in a movie we will intentionally not see (rather than the 600 or so movies he's been in that we unintentially missed by virtue of not having ever heard of them): the upcoming Larry the Cable Guy vehicle "Delta Farce," which comes attached with one of the most unimaginative taglines possible: "War isn't funny... but this movie is." Dubious claim, especially if you feel the need to make it so blatantly. I'm glad Keith got paid, though. I don't begrudge him that.

Through the character-actor looking glass to the considerably less exciting world of David ("Ernest Goes to School") Keith, we discover that David's next project is the widely anticipated Gary Busey "vehicle" "Succubus: HellBent." Lorenzo Lamas is also on board, so you know you'll see this one on your local CW affiliate at 2AM some Thursday night next year. Unbelievably (well, not really) this movie's tagline is more on-the-nose than Delta Farce's, and it seems like it might have been altered a bit after bumping up too close to a certain desert city's registered marketing catchphrase: "Sometimes what happens at Spring Break doesn't stay at Spring Break... it follows you home." If you go right home, that is. If you have a layover in Dallas/Ft. Worth, it follows you there but will usually get lost changing terminals.

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Important Luis Guzmán News

I have just heard that Luis Guzmán will have a role in the new David (Deadwood) Milch series "John from Cincinnati," a show which reportedly involves surfing and potentially an alien. Luis will play a character named "Ramon." Improbably, I find no evidence that Luis Guzman has ever played a character named "Ramon" before. Difficult to believe, but true.

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